I've been thinking about what it means to survive. I used to think that surviving proved strength, superiority. Surely I am incredible for having survived these trials and lived to tell about it.
But who would I be telling? Anyone weaker would be dead, and others who survived as well would be my equal. Would we recognize that strength in each other and have a mutual respect for our individual survival? Of course not. We'd be competitors for resources and potential enemies, if worst case scenarios were to be realized. Surviving for that reason is therefore petty, spurred on by ego.
With a family, though, to survive meant to ensure their existence in the world. That sounds honorable - at first.
Imagine you're able to keep yourself and your family alive for an extended period. Say, on a farm in the country. You learn to grow food and self-sustain in the midst of a global catastrophe in which civilization has collapsed. That's something. But... what is that something? Is it perpetuation of the species? No one really cares about that. So, is it survival in the hope that society rebuilds within your lifetime so you can reap the benefit of having suffered and triumphed over unmitigated disaster? That's pride and pride is a weakness when you must rifle through trash bins to find a morsel of food in the course of a day. If we survive for an extended period, with no chance for a rebuild of society, why do we see that as an option? Is it preternatural? Instinct? Or is it the wish to be something special in a world where everything is relegated to an equal plane? Is it arrogance?
We survive and (best case) generations come after us. They eventually rebuild civilization, but will we be remembered? Would I be remembered if I was the great-great-great-grandfather of the mayor of a new city some two-hundred years down the line? I don't remember my great-great-grandfather now, so, that seems highly unlikely.
More and more, survival seems like a waste of time. There is a reason the many who died quickly, in the beginning, are considered the lucky ones.
Maybe trying to save my son is nothing more than a selfish act.
No comments:
Post a Comment